Jason, Erika and Nicole just a couple of weeks before diagnosis. Her first beach visit and the last time she was able to swim for 2 years.

So life was cruising along nicely for me and my family. My husband of 31 years, Owen and I were happily married and his job allowed him to take fishing trips fairly often. We had all we needed and most of what we wanted. Our son, Alex was working in a job with a bright future that he loved, and our daughter, Nicole and her husband Jason, had given us the cutest granddaughter in the entire world, Erika, and I had not long given up my part time job to spend more time with her. Life was rosy.

Erika had had some bruising around her right eye for a few months that came and went, and we just put it down to clumsiness, as her mother and her Opa (Owen), both had a reputation for falling over absolutely nothing. But then one day when Erika was having a nap on Nicole’s lap, she noticed what she thought was a tiny splinter next to her eye and brushed it off. This was when she first noticed a lump on the outer socket of that same bruised eye. Nicole touched it and found it to be very hard, and not sore as it did not stir Erika at all. As soon as Erika woke, Nicole compared it to the left side and the difference was suddenly very obvious. Alarm bells rang.

It was Friday 6^th October 2017 when we were at her GP to get it checked out. She told us that she had no idea what it could be and so referred us to a paediatrician at our local hospital, marking her letter as ‘urgent’. This would probably still be several weeks wait for us to get in to see someone. We comforted ourselves with the notion that she was in excellent health otherwise and it could not be anything sinister as she would be sick, surely. What a naive assumption that turned out to be.

She also recommended we see an optometrist to make sure her sight wasn’t being affected. The following Monday, she was at an optometrist getting her eyes checked out. The optometrist assured us her sight was fine, but as a mother herself, she felt it too urgent to wait for a paediatrician appointment to become available and she personally made a call to our medical centre and push for immediate action.

Within a few hours, Erika was back at the medical centre seeing a different Doctor who had previously practiced as a paediatrician and was now semi retired and working as a GP but still taking a keen interest in children’s medicine. He had seen these symptoms before. ” The concern with these symptoms is Neuroblastoma.” he said. He sent Erika next door to radiology for an urgent ultrasound of her eye and kidney area.

It was at this point that Nicole’s concern grew. If she had a lump on her eye but was having an ultrasound of her kidney , it could only mean one thing, stage 4 cancer.

It was just before the scan that I arrived at the doctor’s surgery after being kept up to date of the day’s happenings. Nicole had rung me with a shaky voice for that terrifying phone call. “Please come over Mum. It’s not good.” Fortunately Owen was home and he drove us to the doctors’ surgery. I was so scared on the way over. I remember pressing my feet as hard as I could into the floor of the car and whimpering but I knew I had to keep it together for Nicole when we got there.

I recalled a conversation I had had with her when she was pregnant with Erika. She was scared something would be wrong with her. I could not lie to her at the time, but reassured her that it was most likely that everything would be fine, but I could not promise her that. At that moment, I was glad that I had made no promises to her as they would have now been broken and she needed my trust, now more than ever.

Erika and Nicole were waiting to go in for the scan and Nicole gave me a brief update before we went in. She held Erika while they ran the device over the lump on her eye and her kidney area. I begged Nicole not to watch the screen as she didn’t know what she was looking at. She looked anyway, desperate to see nothing, but, it seemed the Doctor was in all likelihood spot on in his assumption. “She has a mass on her left adrenal” the radiologist said. One small sentence and our lives changed. We went straight back in to see the doctor. He was busy writing a letter for us to take to Brisbane Children’s Hospital, (Lady Cilento Childrens Hospital).

Soon after, Nicole collapsed on the floor. Several staff members were trying to help her. One offered her a cup of tea and I know she was just trying to help but seriously, tea. Unless it was some sort of magic tea, don’t offer tea. Another one tried to assure Nicole that Erika was going to be fine. I reacted with “you don’t know that”, but my apology came instantly. She was only trying to help and none of us really know how we would react when faced with such devastating news. The Doctor then came out to see us. He spoke to me as Nicole was in no state to absorb any information. “It is almost certainly Neuroblastoma. It is a 2 year battle but it is one that can be won. I have called the hospital and they are expecting you tonight through ER.” It felt very public at this point as we were in the main foyer of the medical centre, so once Nicole could walk, they moved us into a room with a bed so she could lie down and have some privacy. I was holding Erika at this time and she was just fine. Too young to even react to her Mummy’s distress.

It was bought to our attention some time later I am not sure who by, that someone at the Brisbane hospital had told our doctor that we would have to make an appointment at the Toowoomba Base Hospital and obtain a referral before we could come to Brisbane. He really fought for us, as he knew an immediate start in treatment could make all the difference. He flat out told them we would be on their doorstep within a couple of hours and they must admit her for tests. During Erika’s treatment, there were many people, professional or otherwise, that were Erika’s heros in our eyes. The optometrist was the first, for insisting she be seen again immediately and the GP was the second, for fighting for us and for giving us a glimmer of hope.

I knew Owen was still there, as was Jason and his parents, Cathy and Gary, but I really have no recollection of where they all were once Nicole had collapsed. She was my main focus. I think the others were staying positive and hanging onto to the hope that this was a just big mistake. But Nicole’s always been switched on where science and medicine is concerned. It had been an interest of hers for some years so I knew if she was convinced of the seriousness of the situation, there was no denying it.

I felt overwhelmingly helpless. There are certain things, events that happen to your kids that are tough on them, that make them stronger so you can just allow that stuff to play out for a lesson learnt, but not this. Never this. I would have done anything to take this away.

Once Nicole had recovered somewhat, we left to go to Nicole and Jason’s home and then ours, to get some things together for Brisbane. Five of us travelled in our car, Owen, Jason, Nicole Myself and Erika. Cathy and Gary took their own car down. The silence in the car was only broken by Erika’s baby chattering; so sweet and so innocent. No-one else really spoke to one another. By this time, I was numb.