I am a Mum to two adult kids and soon to be a Grandmum. My kids both had their fair share of struggles growing up so parenthood has been difficult at times but always worth the journey and I learnt many lessons along the way.

I am not a school teacher, a social worker or a child psychologist. I have no special training in raising kids except what I blundered through and learnt along the way. I know all kids are different and many have their own struggles but there are a few hints I would like to pass on, that I think apply to most of them.

Respect them. Just because they are little, doesn’t mean they don’t deserve our respect. It really gets me upset when I hear parents say that they will give their kids respect when they have earned it.  Who’s the adult here? They are just kids. They learn from us. Not only by what we say but more so by what we do. Show them how to show respect and chances are, they will reciprocate.

Show your boys how to treat a woman. I believe you can tell how a man will treat your daughter by the way he treats his Mum. If you’re a dad, be an example for your son. If you’re a Mum, let them know that you deserve to be treated well.

Be a great example. Be the kind of person you want them to become. Not just in what you do, but how you do it. Don’t be a hypocrite. ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ just confuses kids. Explain your reasons, while being age appropriate of course. They are a lot smarter than we realise and they notice everything.

Apologise to your kids. Let them know you are human and you make mistakes too. They are very forgiving if you genuinely say sorry and they will learn that it’s ok to make mistakes as long as they acknowledge them, apologise, learn from it and move on.

Let them play. Make sure they have plenty of free time to be creative, imaginative and just be a kid. It’s over far too soon to be scheduling back to back activities for them. They’ll get enough of that when they become adults.

Allow them to feel. No one likes to see their kids in pain and suffering but unless their safety is at risk, let them deal with it in their own way. Instead of, ‘don’t feel sad/angry/frightened’ try saying ‘I notice that you might be feeling sad/angry/frightened. Is there anything I can do to help’? Often just listening and allowing them to express how they are feeling will be far more helpful.

Support them, but don’t carry them. If they ask for guidance, give it. If they ask for advice, give it without expectation of them following it. If they reach out to hold your hand, reach back. If they need to be helped over obstacles and through struggles, help them. In life, you can always walk beside your children, but don’t carry them.

Listen. This is probably the single most important piece of advice I would like to pass on. I had many a long night, sitting at my children’s bedside, just listening. So very desperate for sleep but knowing that they needed to be heard and that this would pay off in the future. So then when they had something really important to say, they knew they would be heard. And when I spoke, they knew how to listen too. No matter how big their problems may be, knowing they can always turn to you and be heard is so important for them and for you.

Even though my time as a ‘Mummy’ is long past, I will always be their Mum, always ready to listen and support them when needed. But they will never be too big for Mummy Cuddles, just as I still love Mummy Cuddles with my own Mum.

Remember, just because they might be little now, doesn’t mean they mean less. I believe they mean more. They quite literally are our future and isn’t that something worth investing in.